Second time, last time
by Theo.D.Walker
Summary: AU, some may consider OOC. Gibbs' POV on some events in S1-S2. Post-Twillight Rated M just to be sure. Kibbs. TRIGGER WARNING!


Disclaimer: Unfortunately, none of the characters are mine.

A/N: Kibbs AU, may be slightly OOC.

This story popped in to my head few days ago and was bugging me ever since. Not a happy ending but had to let it out. Rated M just to be sure.

It is my first story so I apologize if it is not as good as some other you've read.

Please let me know how you like it.

TRIGGER WARNING!

* * *

What would you do, if your woman and child were killed?

Why am I asking this? We will get to that. But really what would you do? I, for instance, take vengeance. Who am I? I'm pretty sure you all know me already. My name is Gibbs. Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Since my wife Shannon and my daughter Kelly were killed, life was tough. At first I pitied my self. It took me really long time to realize that pity does nothing for me. It simply wasn't working. I started feeling hatred. At first it was at myself. I felt responsible for their deaths but after many bottles of bourbon, I came to the conclusion that there was someone else to blame.  
His name was Pedro Hernandez. A mexican drug dealer. My hatred was redirected and my mission started. Goal: Kill the man responsible for killing my family. Status: Mission accomplished.

I've moved on with my life.  
Got a new job, new team and recently I found myself a girlfriend too. That you didn't know about her? Sorry, was none of your business. What is her name? I'll tell you in a bit.  
Anyway. After I accomplished my goal, I started working at NCIS. Over the years I've moved from Probie to a team-leader. Really crappy one, but still a team leader. My team members became my family. Loyalty and trust are two most important and valued features in our line of work. They all know I would take a bullet for them within a heartbeat and I know they would do the same for me. I even have a proof.

First of all, I would like to introduce you to Ducky.  
Dr. Donald Malllard. A british gentleman with a heart of gold and countless stories to tell. His wisdom seems neverending as well as his lectures and speeches. He knows no one ever listens and he doesn't mind. To me, he is like a brother. One true friend.

Then there is Abby.  
Our crazy cute and kind-hearted forensic scientist with black hair usually tied in two pony-tailes. Caffeine addicted Goth that actually sleeps in a coffin. I think that about sums it up.

Then there are my direct subordinates.

Very special agent Anthony DiNozzo. If you know me, then for sure you know him as well. Everybody knows DiNozzo. The most infamous casanova at NCIS, but in fact a good guy. He wouldn't be on my team if he wasn't.

The newest team-member is Timothy McGee.  
As Tony often calls him, McGeek. Tim is genius with computers and all this modern technology and one day he will be a great agent if he doesn't listen to DiNozzo too much.

And then there is Kate.  
My beautiful, smart, gorgeous and wonderful Katie. Yes, you've guessed it. She is the girlfriend of mine.

Kate joined our team about two years ago. Since the first moment my eyes fell upon her, I knew I was screwed. AFO was the best case I've ever worked though. From the beginning she was truly stubborn and very passionate about her job. Once the case was wrapped up and I learned she had resigned, there was no way I would let the chance to have her on my team slip through my fingers.  
It took us about six months before we realized there was no point in hiding our feelings from each other. I tried, trust me. But it wasn't good enough. Kate always saw right through me. Those lingering looks she used to send my way every now and then. The way her corners turned up every time she saw me. These little details never escaped my observation and never helped my conviction that rule twelve was worth fighting for. It wasn't.  
Even when I tried to be really hard on her, harder than I was on everybody else, she never seemed to be truly angry with me. At least not long term. It only made her work harder which only made my determination crumble. Every time she spoke my name, there was something in her voice I never could put my fingers around. But it always made my guards fall a bit lower and I knew I was falling for her.  
Deep and hard too.

One winter night after not so happy-ending case, Kate sought out the comfort of my house and my company as my agents sometimes do. What she found though was me, quite drunk to be honest, working on my boat fiercely.  
She made herself at home immediately, no need for me to tell her so, and even helped me to finish off my bottle of bourbon. We spent most of the evening in comfortable silence. I don't really understand why, but she seemed somehow fascinated with my work on the boat. For ninety long minutes I was painfully aware of her watching me before I put my sand block down and made my way towards the couch she was comfortable seated on.  
Taking her hand, I made her stand up and led her towards my workplace. To my surprise Kate was completely okay with me leading her and let herself, quite willingly I may add, be put between me and the boat. From behind her I picked up the sanblock again a put it in her hands. Slowly navigating her movements, I showed her the beauty of handwork.  
This went on for about an hour before Kate finally spoke. The first words spoken since she came in. "Geez, my arms hurt." She complained, putting the sand block down and turning to face me. I left out a soft chuckle. Not consciously at all. When I looked down at her, my eyes were met with her soft brown gaze. Unwilling to resist anymore, I leaned down and kissed her softly.

Since that night we were together.  
Acting all professional at work, loving each other in the evenings. As much as I hide behind the rule twelve, I knew that the biggest problem with relationship within our bureau was the director.  
Even though it was not against any official regulations, when the director learned there was any relationship going on between two co-workers, he would get on their asses and make their life living hell. Usually it ended in both of them leaving the NCIS and quitting their careers in reinforcement. As much as I would love to show the love I had for Kate at all times, Ididn't want that fate for us just yet.  
So instead we were sneaking around, stealing quick pecks when we were alone in the elevator or in the garage. Ducky was the only one who know about us. Couldn't be really prevented since we both used him as our advisor and therapist.

Life was good again. There wasn't anything more I could have asked for. I got my second chance on happiness and I was holding onto it for dear life.

Until he came.

The devil.

My own personal nemesis with the name of Ari Haswari.

At first he held Kate and Ducky hostages in the autopsy, resulting in me getting shot in my shoulder. You cannot even begin to imagine how happy I felt when Kate walked out of the room alive and alright.

Then Ari had the nerve to kidnap her again, this time she even got beaten up. After how shaken up she was the first time she encountered him, I was genuinely worried about the consequences this time around.

It took us some work but with the help of Ducky and Kate's sister Rachel, we worked everything out and the memory of Ari was slowly fading.

Few months later, he, once again, entered the picture. None of us will ever forget about this time.

Now has come the right time for me to remind you of the first question I asked you. What would you do? I saw him shoot her. Standing right next to her when the fatal shot came and her lifeless body slumped at my feet. There was nothing I could do. Once before my love was killed and I've learned something from that experience. Self pity does nothing for you!

We started the haunt. It was not a search for a wanted criminal. It was an open season.

We were just at Abby's lab, when Ducky entered, looking pale. "Jethro, I need to talk to you about something."

"Not now, Duck" I replied quite harshly, without much thinking.

"Jethro, it's about Kate."

"Speak up then" I finally turned to him just to see him swallow hard. Suddenly, he seemed on the verge of tears.

"It's a private matter." he said barely audible.

Observing him closely I nodded.

I took him gently by his shoulder and lead him few feet away to get at least a sense of privacy.

Turning my back to the others I was still painfully aware of their stares.

"Jethro I…" Ducky begun slowly, apparently unsure of how to tell me. I said nothing, as I always do, I just waited. "I'm so sorry Jethro."

"Duck? Are you okay?" I asked my friend. Tears started falling down Ducky's cheeks as he couldn't hold them anymore.

"She was pregnant Jethro."

Those words burned into my soul. I could swear that my heart literally stopped for several moments. My head started spinning, my sight went dark and my knees gave up on me.  
"Gibbs" Abby's voice rang through my ears but her words never arrived to my brain. The world stopped for me, Ducky's words playing over and over in my mind.  
Pregnant. My Kate. She was carrying our child.

And now she is gone.  
They both are.  
I could feel myself being pulled up but my limbs were numb. I wasn't even trying to stand. What was the point? I had no one to be brave for anymore. My Kate, my love has died and with her my heart did as well.  
As I sat on the ground I felt Abby kneeling beside me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. That was something Kate always used to do. The countless memories of me laying in Kate's lap and her rubbing my back, flew to my mind. I needed to stop them, so I shook Abby off. Perhaps it was bit too violent because I saw her immediately with Ducky, hiding in his embrace.

"Why?" I asked no one in particular. "Why didn't she tell me, Duck? I would have never let her go. She wouldn't be on that rooftop and would still be alive! Why didn't she just tell me?" I rose to my feet again shaking off any help Tony and Tim tried to provide. I was aware that raising my voice on my colleagues would do no good but I just couldn't help myself

"She probably didn't know herself yet, Jethro. It was too early."

Closing my eyes I took several deep breaths to calm myself down and let Ducky's words soak in.  
It took me a while but it worked. My heartbeat slowed down and my hands stopped trembling so much.  
Sweeping my cheeks off tears I didn't even know escaped my eyes I turned to face the only four people left in my family. The only four that mattered.  
Watching me with apparent worry and confusion.  
Looking back at them I realized I had to decide. I've been through something similar once before and like I said before, I've learned from it.

Watching them I could feel the helplessness and hopelessness transfer into something much more powerful and overwhelming. Anger started spreading through my veins. My heartbeat picked up again but this time, it was different. I felt the adrenalin. I felt unstoppable.

"Find him!" I ordered sternly. Tony and Tim both nodded in unison and quickly disappeared from the lab. Nothing for me to do there either, I turned myself and left. I wasn't up for Ducky's comforting nor did I feel ready to explain the situation to Abby. I was pretty sure she figured it out herself anyway.

It didn't take us long to find him. We had a special help. Together with his sister's assistance, we have been able to lure him into a trap. While we chased after him, Abby, Ducky and the new director kindly took care of Kate's funeral. It was due soon. Arriving to my, now so vacant and quiet, house I was hoping that Ari took the bait. Entering the basement I could feel his presence immediately.

Sitting in my basement, he was waiting for me, planning on killing me as well. I had to restrain myself from assaulting him as soon as I entered. Instead I've decided to go by the plan. It was well worth it.  
During our conversation, Ari confessed that killing Kate wasn't an easy decision for him. Like that would make me hate him any less.  
He just wanted me to hurt. In that, he succeeded. What he was unaware thought was the fact, that our conversation wasn't as confidential as he thought.

When the bang echoed through the basement, I could witness the set of emotions changing in his eyes. At first, when I arrived, he seemed self-confident, passionate, he was a man on mission.  
As we spoke, I saw his frustration, anger, and somewhere deep down, I saw a little scared boy. I could never pity him through.  
With the bang, his eyes reflected confusion, realization, betrayal and deep sadness. All this in the course of milliseconds. Then he was gone.

The world was freed of another monster.

Walking out of the basement, I squeezed Ziva's hand, letting her know she did good. I came to realize how little I told my team that I was proud of them and they did a good job. I won't ever have a chance to change this with Kate, might as well change it with the rest of them.

Walking up the stairs, I travelled through my house and ended in my own bedroom, sitting on the bed I came to share with the most beautiful brunette I ever knew. Picking up my phone, I dialled Ducky's number, informing him that his assistance would be needed.

"Tell them I'm proud of them. And tell them for me, that I am sorry."

"They won't think any less of you for telling them yourself, Jethro. Never mind those rules of yours, they all adore you deeply." came Ducky's response from the other end of the line.

"I know Ducky, I know" said I before hanging up.

Once again, let me ask you. What would you do if your woman and your child were murdered?

The first time around, I mourned, I took vengeance, I coped, I moved on. The second time around I started with the vengeance part, mourning, coping and moving on was to come. But how could I? My heart broken beyond repair, I am to tired of coping.

So here I am.

Sitting on my bed, staring down the barrel of my gun.

I cannot cope, I cannot move on.

I had my chance to move on and apparently, it wasn't supposed to work for me.

I'm done and when I'm gone I hope I might see them all again.


End file.
